Inspired by another Jose Mourinho moan and groan, Lee Davy examines the world of complaining to offer some advice on how best to approach in when you’re playing poker.

Manchester City has just treated Manchester United like a cat paws a mouse. The cat doesn’t want to eat the mouse; I’m not even sure it means to kill it. The mouse dies of fear. The cat just wants to play, like City, who won 2-1.

To make things worse, the pawing happens in Old Trafford, a fortress for the past 40-games. United, one of the best sides in Europe, only had 35% possession, a stat that has never been as low since Opta began making a living by recording such things when we were all fretting over the world ending when 1999 turned into something else.

After the match, Jose Mourinho, one of the most respected managers in world football; the Commander-in-Chief of one of the world’s most iconic football teams; the Special One – takes his post-match interview with the BBC and continues to spew forth bile with more heat than liquid magma.