The results from the Unibet Online Series are in, and the prognosis is excellent as the Swedish online poker room successfully exceeded the €300,000 guarantee as over 27,000 players showed an interest.

As I watch the new girl dip her tongs beneath the cellophane and reach for a freshly cooked croissant, I wonder when we became so French? What happened to greasy cafes with plates swimming in the oil squeezed out of the fried bread. Posh people call it French Toast. I call it death.

Zombies.

They walk in, staring at their mobile phones hoping ‘the one’ has liked ‘the one’, the devil dancing inside their liver jabbing holes with his pitchfork.