Is 2018 finally over? You bet it is. Vegas has 10-1 odds. Let’s all take a moment to reflect on some of the fun things that happened while we all figure out where exactly we are and where we put our various articles of clothing, and what exactly happened last night.

A Year Beginning With Happy Endings

It was a year, first and foremost, of many happy endings, particularly for Steve Wynn, who happily ended his tenure as CEO of Wynn Resorts, after experiencing one too many happy endings from manicurists who were not his wife but whom speculators believe gave really amazing manicures.

The fallout from the allegations had us all captivated for days, profusely sweating gratitude that we would have at least a few hours respite from news stories about Stephanie Gregory Clifford – porn star name Stormy Daniels – and Donald Trump’s sex lives, allowing us to all concentrate on far more pressing matters like Steve Wynn’s sex life. Wynn, whose porn star name according to the Porn Star Name Generator is “Gunnar Dangle”  denied the allegations “hotly”, according to an NBC News expose on the matter that was basically ripped off from the Wall Street Journal. Except for the word “hotly,” which ironically does not appear in the original WSJ piece. It was then copy-pasted to NBC by a reporter by the name of “Corky”, who to my surprise is actually not a porn star, but the brother of actor Kazimierz “Casey” Siemaszko, of Three O’Clock High fame, one of my favorite 80’s movies.