Week 31 of the English Premier League sees Liverpool move above Spurs with a 5-0 thrashing of Watford, West Brom put another toe into the Championship with a defeat against Bournemouth, and Crystal Palace move two points clear of the drop zone with a win against Huddersfield.

There is something strange about milking a goat. It feels like you’re holding a penis in your hand, squirting white stuff out of the tip, and then there’s the sense that you are lower in the hierarchy than a Billy Goat Gruff.

I imagine that’s what it feels like to be in the bottom three of the English Premier League.

Bournemouth 2 v 1 West Brom