Well slap my tuchus and call me Shlomo. The Patriots lost. And also cryptocurrencies are crashing. (BTC at $7,048) Nobody saw that coming. I mean, come on. Nick Foles? His name sounds like a Simpsons parody of one of those Dr. Schollspoofy shoe pads. ($6,763). Just because it was the biggest run up in a single asset class in all of recorded financial history doesn’t mean it wasn’t stable! This time was different! This isn’t happening. ($6,579) The Patriots can’t lose! What’s the term for Mulligan in football? If Dr. Nick was really the quarterback then why did he catch a touchdown pass? Quarterbacks throw, they don’t catch. Bitcoin goes up, not down. ($6,223) Did the S&P 500 just plummet 184 points in two trading days? Maybe parallel universes are colliding because there’s a rip in the spacetime continuum and everything is up but quantum reality is confused. I saw that on Star Trek once. They got out of it OK. ($6,094)

Wait wait…I got a good one.

Question: What deflates faster than a football at Foxboro?

Answer: Everything.