Two results from the PokerStars’ European Poker Tour in Prague where Matthias Eibinger wins his second €50k in a matter of a few months and Boris Mondrus takes down a busy looking National. 

I have the shape of a spoon handle seared into my right hand. Nick Cave would call it a red right hand. And it was at the time. I was steaming broccoli. The spoon sat on the hot plate that separated the burners. I had no idea it was hot. I picked the thing up, and we became one.

My mother-in-law saved the day, waltzing into the backyard to severe a limb from an aloe vera plant. She put my finger inside, covered it with kitchen roll, tied it with a blue elastic band, and several hours later I had an impressive looking scar, minus any anguish.

Even that spoon, as hot as it was, did not have the heat that Matthias Eibininger generates right now, and the way it’s going, people are going to have to smother their bodies with aloe vera just to sit down and play with him.