On Saturday, the England rugby team will square off against the French in their bid to win a record 13 Grand Slams, but can they overcome their recent poor form at this stage of the campaign?

“How the f**k am I going to get up there?”

My head is leaning out of the window. I keep telling her to be quiet.

“Climb the drainpipe.” I whisper as loudly as I can without waking the landlord.