Australian casino operator Crown Resorts managed to eke out a small profit in its most recent fiscal year despite the COVID carnage in the year’s final quarter.

Figures released Wednesday show Crown generated revenue of AU$2.21b (US$1.6b) in the 12 months ending June 30, a 25.7% reduction from fiscal 2019. Earnings fell 40.6% to AU$504.6m and net profit after tax tumbled 80.2% to AU$79.5m.

Aussie operators love to report ‘theoretical’ figures that assume a constant win rate in their volatile VIP gambling operations, while this year’s pretend numbers also eliminate costs associated with the impacts of COVID-19, which forced Crown to shut all its casinos in late-March (and Crown Melbourne remains shut to this day).

Anyway, the make-believe revenue would have been slightly lower (AU$2.1b), while fantasy earnings would have fallen only one-third to AU$504m and pretend profits would have plunged a mere 56.3% to AU$161m. Oh, and so long as we’re making stuff up, I’d be happily married to Jane Fonda circa 1965 or thereabouts.