The 2017/18 Premier League season saunters into one of the most anti-climactic endings in recent memory as Huddersfield’s point at Chelsea almost certainly condemns Swansea to a lifetime of hurt and pain in the Championship.

I’ve had to move. I had the perfect spot. The sun was coating me with love, the chirp, chirp, chirp of the birds providing me with a symphonic spur {needed at 16:07}. And then my left calf began to burn. My left eye got tired of squinting. So I moved.

I’m not complaining.

If I threw my laptop over the balcony, it would land in the Adriatic Sea. The view is Clash of the Titanesque. Sometimes, you have to suck it up, burned calf or no burned calf. As a blue plastic bag bobs menacingly in the sea, I am grateful.