The esports market stat monsters, NewZoo, have released a white paper looking at four major European countries while asserting an optimistic view that the industry could be worth $2.4bn by 2020.

“Dad, how crap is Sami Khedira?”

“Well, it depends on how you rate the guy,” I explain, taken aback by the question. “He’s a destroyer, chosen to break up the play, so if you are looking for him to do that then he’s great, but if you’re looking at him to get you ten goals a season, then he’s crap.”

“Exactly,” said my boy. “He’s just banged two past me, and he’s a CDM, it’s ridiculous.”