The first of many rants and ravings connected to the 2018 World Cup in Russia beginning with a resounding open match victory for the host nation, and a stunning hat-trick from the best player in the world.

I used to sit outside the bookies waiting for my Dad, like a dog, minus the flea collar. He didn’t need to chain me to a post. I wasn’t going anywhere. I knew if he won he would give me 10p and I could by a mix-up, and I loved sneaking a peek through the crack in the door as punters came and went.

“What’s inside, Dad?”

“Nothing.”